138114

Joke of the Day

"What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?"

"Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday"

"My sex life lately has been like very fine jewelry 100% handmade"

"I swallow at least one note per meal that says ""we're all really proud of you,"" in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day."

"You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt."

"I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie."

"Never trust a Parasol... I hear they can be shady."

"Where did Hitler watch TV? In his *Lebensraum.*"

"Three men walk into a bar... You'd have thought the third one would have seen it."

"Since I have a lot of exams next week... I decided to buy a Seahawks jersey. That way, I'm sure to pass even if I shouldn't"