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Joke of the Day

"How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years."

"[NSFW] Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year."

"No bees were harmed in the making of my new short film, ""Bees on Fire: Screams from Inside a Hive""."

"4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup."

"It's crazy to see how much worse celebrities looked ""before they were famous"" and then realize that's how you look."

"What are the options? Air Hostess to passenger: ""Sir would you like to have dinner?"" Passenger: ""What are the options?"" Air Hostess: ""Yes and No."""

"You have to admit, healthcare reform sure beats the most lasting domestic reform of the last guy: warrantless wiretaps."

"So, Joan Rivers just died, and... ... she's scheduled for more plastic surgery next week."

"There's only one stereotype I like Sony."

"What do you call someone with herpes, AIDS, syphilis and gonorrhea? An incurable romantic."