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Joke of the Day

"What was Jesus' favorite sport? Crossfitting."

"How do you catch a politician? With a special interest group, or evidence of a sex scandal."

"Lord, protect me from my friends, I can take care of my enemies."

"Why do you not run over a Mexican on a bicycle? It could be your bicycle!"

"What's the difference between me and a calendar? You can't fuck the shit out of a calendar"

"I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, ""your baby jumped out!"" before she gave me the finger."

"When the farmer counted his cows he had 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200!"

"Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don't know what I'm gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It's a mystery"

"I'm tired of conventional beauty standards that say I can't wear a ski mask in a bank"

"Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house? They have to use their Endor voices."