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Joke of the Day

"I dream about sleeping with Michael J. Fox I bet he's a really good vibrator."

"Knock Knock. whos there? a beautiful girl a beautiful girl who? that was already the joke.. no beautiful girl will ever knock your door loser... edit: looser = loser"

"How do you make a cat go ""meow""? Take it out of the freezer and run it through a bandsaw."

"A girl asks her boyfriend if she's put on weight recently. He says ""no!"" and then has a seizure. He goes to the doctor. Diagnostic: convulsive liar."

"I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her."

"How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?"

"During a prison break, I saw a midget climb the fence of the prison yard. As he jumped down, he sneered at me... I thought to myself, ""well, that was a little con-descending."""

"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton? Bill got fucked in the oval office and Hillary just got fucked out of it."

"What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado? The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown"

"Canadian college to launch marijuana cultivation course......... There's only a limited number of openings for students - they'll have to weed some of them out."