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Joke of the Day

"You know what the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket ""How far you think I can kick this bucket"""

"What you call a penis that doesn't satisfy a woman? Yours"

"Wished my wife a 'Happy Valentine's ay!' I'll give her the D later."

"Imagine if Trump becomes President and we are invaded by aliens. Alien: Take us to your leader. America: *Looks ashamed* Are you sure?"

"I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*"

"The new stars wars episode has been named Episode seven: return of the lens flair"

"Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly? Cause they would quack up."

"Why do divers fall out of the boat backwards? Because if they went forward they would still be in the boat."

"How to Jews travel? By air."

"My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my iPod. I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex."" He asked, ""Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"" I replied, ""No, I work in a morgue."""