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Joke of the Day

"TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content. But Stranger Things have happened."

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"My doctor told me to get a lot of rest and fluids so I've been on a drunk rage in my bedroom since 1988."
"Why was the Formica factory so inefficient? Everything they did was counter productive."
"How do you know when your dad just got a blowjob? You can taste it in your sister's mouth....."
"What car does Woody drive? AUDI ADUI ADUI!"
"ME: Man, Nosferatu is a good film HIPSTER: I preferred the original M: Original? What original? H: Nosfera One."
"I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people"
"What's the difference between a microwave and anal sex? A microwave doesn't brown your meat"
"crime tip: secretley grease a cop's butt befor a car chase so when he slides acros the hood he'll slip off & keep on slidimg down the street"
"What do you call an aardvark outside Buckingham Palace? A guardvark!"