130102

Joke of the Day

"Your stick figure family window sticker promotes an unrealistic and unhealthy body image for your children."

"I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now."

"A book fell on my head... I can only blame my shelf."

"I don't know what I drank last night, but the vacuum is stuck on top of the house."

"What are the only two similarities between my favorite buger joint, and the orgy I just had? Nothing but Five Guys, extra salty EDIT: Also, I can't type. Burger*"

"How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? You just call me..."

"""Since you both claim to be this infant's mother, we'll cut the baby in half."" OK. Sounds reasonable. ""Y...uh, alright then. Let's do this."""

"When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call."

"How do five gay men walk? One direction"

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *gagging*"