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Joke of the Day

"I'm training my cats to use the bathroom like people. It really works! [cut to bathroom: two cats do cocaine off the toilet tank]"

"Pranking the police A couple of pranksters broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, ""We have absolutely nothing to go on."""

"My coworkers think it's funny they have power & I don't. I think it's funny how they won't get home to enjoy it cuz their tires are slashed."

"My girlfriend said that me being a mime was too much, and she was leaving But I couldn't bring myself to say anything"

"Today sucks but I really shouldn't complain. I've got it good compared to...well, dead people."

"I have a fetish for paradoxes. They really turn me off."

"I wish I grew up during the Great Depression That way every Sunday was soup or bowl Sunday"

"What do you call a fat Taylor Swift? Taylor not so Swift"

"This fortune cookie I just had said 'Off yourself' & my lucky numbers on the back was the phone number to a local gun shop."

"Dad got me the other day... Me: I can't sleep... I'm just going to stay up for a bit... Dad: What do you mean you can't sleep? It's so easy I could do it with my eyes close! Me: *walks away*"