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Joke of the Day

"When the step kids start talking shit, I like to remind them that I am totally boning their mom."

"How hard is it to find cigarettes? Because my dad has been gone for 13 years looking for them."

"The snail and the tortoise What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise? Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? you can't fuck a rock"

"Standup comedy is challenging because you have to succeed at competitively describing how unsuccessful you are in life."

"What do you call an extroverted snail? A slug"

"What was the gay Swedish guys favorite thing to do? Give Swedish handjobs."

"I have an eidolon memory. It's the same as an eidetic memory, but I'm also dyslexic."

">be 17 >miss [(For those who don't get it)](http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/4/4/1333548711318/Battleship-board-game-001.jpg)"

"A tourist asks a man in uniform ""Are you a policeman?"" ""No I am an undercover detective."" ""So why are you in uniform?"" ""Today is my day off."""