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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a mexican who last his car? Juaquin."

"An Asian, a black guy and a Jew walk into a bar.. bartender says, ""Get the fuck out of here"""

"A man got a vasectomy without telling his wife. When she found out she said ""ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"" ""Yes, I'm not kidding you."" he said."

"I've never been on Jeopardy, but I have put a 4yo to bed, so I know what it's like to be asked about things you never even heard of."

"When someone asks, ""How are you?"" I say, ""5-7-8-3"" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it."

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

"DAD: I want a steak. HER: Eat this chicken instead. It's healthy. DAD: No it isn't. It's dead."

"I'm a secondhand veggietarian. I eat cows. Cows eat grass. It's science. Merica."

"So I went clubbing last night... Those seals didn't stand a chance."

"What's the similarity between your zero-exercise lifestyle and a professional weight-lifter competing in the Olympics? They both involve muscles and they both result in a-trophy."