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Joke of the Day
"What did the cactus say to his wife? 'Aloe Vera!"
Next Joke
"Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex? Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend."
"I like my women like I like my presidents... Dead and illicit."
"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba-da-cha!"
"Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?"
"texting and driving is dangerous because u might accidentally text the lips emoji to your boss"
"A grasshopper walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, I've got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper replies, ""You've got a drink named Bob?"""
"Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel? Because he was hydra-phobic."
"You auto complete me."
"I hate girls with double standards unless they're pretty"