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Joke of the Day

"I made $350.05 sucking dick last night. Me: I made $350.05 sucking dick last night. Friend: Wow! Who gave you the nickel? Me: All of them..."

"Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time !"

"sew myself into an anime body pillow, trick some unsuspecting outcast into loving a human. the ultimate prank"

"I'm so horny... I going to beat my dick like it owed me money"

"-Trump's top agenda for his first 100 days in office : make everyone use ""bigly"" in conversations so he doesn't look like a fool for being the only one who uses this word ."

"How come an extremely angry woman can pack everything she owns in an hour, but it takes her a week to pack for vacation?"

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"A soon-to-be-married Asian man calls off his engagement, but keeps the wedding band. He's really into recyciring."

"""Well well well."" - Me, answering three questions: 1.) How are you? 2.) What's your favorite adverb? 3.) Where'd you hide grandma?"

"I want to start a cafe and fill it with surrealist paintings. I'll call it Salvador Deli."