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Joke of the Day

"Patient: The trouble is doctor I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry I don't expect anyone will notice."

"I feel there's still hope for this world every time my computer's spellcheck doesn't recognize Kardashian."

"Keep your friend's toast, but keep your enemy's toaster."

"Why do men like blowjobs? It's the only thing that they get something straight inside a woman's head."

"Why is 12 the highest number rednecks can count to? How else would they know how many cans are in a 12 pack."

"What's do 9v batteries and buttholes have in common? You aren't supposed to lick them, but you do anyway."

"I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....... I will keep you posted."

"There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over."

"I still say a wasp's nest chucked through the window would be the ideal way to end any hostage situation. Nobody's hanging around in there."

"Is that a tuna roll in your pocket, or are you just happy sashimi yuk yuk yuk"