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Joke of the Day

"I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him"

"woah. you can say ""Houston we have a problem"" in messy situations that have nothing to do with astronauts or texas? this changes everthing"

"I'm gonna be upset when HBO starts killing off Sesame Street characters one by one Game Of Thrones style."

"What is Somailias national dish? An empty plate"

"If I park 20 spots from the store in an empty parking lot and you park next to me, I'm slamming my door into your car 34 times."

"[Gets cut off by a Pruis] *Speeds up to cut off Prius then drops a banana peel behind me* *Prius spins out of control* Thug life."

"I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph. He just wrote Thanks."

"What's the difference between Rob Ford and a circus sideshow freak? One's a fat, ugly, disturbing waste of money. The other's married to a bearded lady."

"What's the difference between driving in fog and eating pussy? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you"

"Did you hear about the librarian who wanted to get arrested? Turns out she just wanted to get booked."