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Joke of the Day

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? [Click here for the punchline](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1yya5x/how_do_you_keep_an_idiot_in_suspense/)"

"Why don't British people pronounce their T's? They left them in the Boston Harbor"

"A Jewish son asks his dad for five dollars... The dad replies, ""Four dollars?! What do you need three dollars for?!"""

"me: time to apologize. did you eat the receipt? 8: yup me: ok cause if mom finds out we bought these flowers at the grocery store we're dead"

"Have you heard the one about the roof? never mind, just forget about it, it's probably over your head."

"If a white girl goes to starbucks and doesn't post a picture on instagram, did she really go to starbucks at all?"

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!"

"Why are books the only thing advertised as ""Wherever books are sold."" You can't sell other stuff by saying ""Wherever you get this shit, IDK"""

"Donald be careful. Donald watch out. Donald look both ways. Donald Duck!"

"THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this."