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Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma's ghost is so fat... ...even the priest couldn't exorcise her! https://twitter.com/YoMommasGhost BONUS: Yo mamma's ghost is so dumb, she thought a deadlift was a haunted elevator."

"Why was the storm trooper such a good dad? He could never hit his kids."

"A young girl accused of apostasy... (NSFW) Loves dick but prefers to eat pussy, She loves bacon with eggs, And would spread her legs, For anyone whose name lacked apostrophes."

"Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides."

"Why don't Chinese people roll 12lb balls down wooden lanes to knock over pins? Because to them it's boring."

"I had a scary moment when..... I had a scary moment when I was opening my new expensive furniture with a stanley knife. I damn near slit my shelf"

"""YOU'RE FAT."" - my belt"

"Why couldn't the philosopher make a living? He made no sense. I tried, I really did."

"The last time Japan upset a nation this much was December 7th, 1941."

"Holy crap! I forgot to have coffee today! What else did I forget? WHERE IS MY BABY?!? Wait, do I have one of those? DO I HAVE A BABY?!?"