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Joke of the Day

"I have high friends in places."

"What do you call a white man flying a plane? Clive, usually."

"If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with ""Buy a penguin"". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome."

"Knock knock Who is it? Daisy Daisy whom? Daysi me rollin', they hatin', patrolling. They wanna catch ne riding dirty!"

"A verb tried to pick up a noun at the club... He wanted to conjugate, but she had to decline. Probably all for the best. She was right up against her period."

"i know you kids love uber and airbnb, so today i want to tell you all about the real 'sharing economy.' that's right. communism"

"What is Tom Brady's favorite opera? Deflatermaus! (Die Fledermaus!)"

"Do you know how to plant tulips? Yes, then how about planting tu-lips on this"

"How do you catch a wild bra? Set a booby trap."

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 10 years"