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Joke of the Day

"Why does Hillary have sex with Bill first thing in the morning? Because she wants to be the First Lady."

"I just read a story about someone finding a dead body at a Walmart. HOW EMBARRASING, I'd never be caught dead at a Walmart."

"This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards..."

"What did one giant squid say to the other giant squid? What's Kraken!"

"A guy goes to the doctor because he wants to get a prescription for a laxative... After a few checks the doctor nods and says: ""yep, you're full of shit."" and hands him a prescription."

"Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest."

"What do you call a Shock Jock that goes clean? Showered Stern. I'll see myself out."

"What do you call a flying turtle? A shellicopter."

"There's a fine line between being tan and looking like you were rolled in Doritos."

"What do you call a pregnant nun who cycles to church everyday? No seriously, a friend asked me this and I didn't know."