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Joke of the Day

"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND *holds up a cat*"

"My son walked in on me and my wife ""wrestling"" on the bed. We call it ""wrestling"" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu."

"In an ideal world, a ""Laser Jet"" would be something to vaporize aliens with and not a fucking type of printer."

"Great. Ban gay marriage. Remember what happened during Prohibition? Now we're going to have everyone making bathtub gay marriages."

"The batteries on my camcorder died halfway through my wife's wedding speech. I'm never going to hear the end of it."

"A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer... I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick..."

"Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please."

"Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars?? Great food, horrible atmosphere."

"Contrary to popular belief, the best lubricant for anal sex is not tears. It's blood"

"[Boss' office] ""You're late AGAIN."" Drove back for my phone. ""Why do need it at work?"" It's all I do. ""WHAT?"" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU."