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Joke of the Day

"What did the magician's assistant say to the magician after the show? ""Thanks for halving me."""

"Why did Mubarak and Gaddafi get dehydrated? They didn't want water from the Arab Spring."

"I've got an Uncle Rube. I mean he's really my mother's sister's roommate's friend's hairdresser's step-dad, but the effect is the same."

"Proctologists are like asstronauts... ...and their on a mission to ur-anus"

"People who say age is just a number fundamentally don't get numbers and that's why I always borrow money from them."

"Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009"

"I hear voices in my head sometimes. I just ignore them and keep killing people."

"Knock Knock Fuck Donald Trump"

"Q: Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum? A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences."

"I've heard so many drunken Irish jokes, it's gettin' old... ...not everyone's a drunkard in me ~~Publin~~ Dublin."