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Joke of the Day
"What happens when Peter Pan tries to throws punches? They Neverland."
Next Joke
"Yo mamma so fat.. That she drowns in the dead sea!"
"[pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral] sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute"
"Police officer: what'd you take, you're sweating, shaking and going crazy.... Perp: nothing sir, just searching for The Lord!"
"Racism is 1/10 But it's 7/10 with Tamir Rice"
"Everyone complains about the weather but no one ever wants to sacrifice a virgin about it."
"My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face."
"[showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings"
"""So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?"" ""We enjoy eating out and trying new food."" ""So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"""
"I wish my girlfriend went down as much... as the pound did last night."