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Joke of the Day

"X/y If Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner were to go missing, would they put his/her picture on a half n half carton?"

"I was paper-thin as a kid. So I got ripped."

"Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the one on the right could drive for a change."

"How does a snail win a race? It runs against Hillary."

"Even though the nurse who performed my circumcision did a bad job... I still left her a tip."

"I heard the fork was having an affair with the knife... Or is it too spoon to bring that up?"

"Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full."

"Sorry I brought my own turntables and tried to battle your wedding DJ"

"An employee saw his boss fucking a girl inside a car. Employee: ""Nice boss, you enjoying alone, when will it be my turn?"" Boss: ""After the girl"""

"I had an odd-job man in to help me do some work around the house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do. He only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9."