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Joke of the Day

"What are some canned retorts that can be funny in many situations, like ""that's what she said"" or ""let's not and say we did""?"

Next Joke
 
"I don't hate anyone. I just don't like people."
"[answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?"
"Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza"
"At Indian Restaurant ""Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"" ""Samosa?"" ""No, thank you, I'm full now."""
"A day or two after eating jalapenos I realize I've made a mistake That shit burns."
"What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup? Turn off their console and go to sleep."
"I bought a treadmill because I ran out of closet space for my clothes."
"I want to write a book called ""Variably Orgasming Man"" So people ask me how's ""Variably Orgasming Man"" coming?"
"If twitter isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it."