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Joke of the Day

"This morning I saw an ad offering 'help' to people contemplating suicide Which confused me, because the industry has banned ads for cigarettes, but apparently they have no qualms with murder."

"My girlfriends period is on my birthday. Why does she always have to be so anal about everything?"

"Hell yes, I have the body of a Greek god: nice abs, expressionless eyes, genitals shot off by bored soldiers during The Franco-Prussian War"

"Every time someone clears their browser history there should be a little voice that says ""good move."""

"""My desires are... unconventional."" ""Show me."" *opens door to a room full of memes*"

"A woman with a lazy eye was having an affair.. They said she was seeing someone on the side."

"What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB"

"How do you know your friends are pleased with your Facebook post? They like it!"

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"I would imagine paying your bills at a library in Prague has to be easy. You know, with all of the Czech books and whatnot."