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Joke of the Day

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket. She thinks to herself, 'Some asshole's got my pen.'"

"Dear Kanye West, Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately"

"Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during sex? Because it's unbelievable."

"All the single ladies put your hands up! *handcuffs all the single ladies together and pushes them off a cliff* I'm your only option now."

"What is common with overly attracted girlfriend and bubblegum on a carpet They both say: I'm stuck on you. Edit: wrote it wrong Edit: corrected spelling"

"I don't know why people dislike roman Numerals. I, for one, like them."

"Well I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me what I do at Red lights, and I said, ""Text and Facebook"""

"Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero."

"What do you call a sextape with a 60 year-old man in it? Flappy Bird. ^I'll ^excuse ^myself ^now"

"If - H 2 O - is on the inside of a fire hydrant what is on the outside? K 9 P"