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Joke of the Day

"Q: Where do fleas go to surf? A: To the microwave."

"Did you hear the guy who invented predictive text has died? His funfair will be held on a sundial. Funfair* Funfair* For ducks sake..."

"A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: ""I'd like to become the next President of the United States."" The receptionist: ""What are you an idiot?"" Redneck: ""Why is it required?"""

"My mother asked me to clean the dishes... ""Ah."" I replied, ""The reason you decided to have children; it's becoming apparent."" Also, ITT: God-tier puns."

"What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds? One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money."

"Why are chemists always a part of the problem? Because they can never be a part of the solution."

"If candy bars can be called cereal bars to make them sound healthy then why can't alcohol be called cereal drink?"

"Define ""Will"" Isn't it obvious? It's a dead giveaway!"

"dont be sad, girl. u are like a iceberg.. 90% of ur beauty is below the surface. now 95%. now 100% OMG GIRL ARE YOU DROWNIMG"

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tits a lot."