youngman Quotes

“What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.”

“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”

“What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.”

“My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.”

“I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.”

“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?”

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”

“If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.”

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”