sedaris Quotes

“It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'”

“I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.”

“But most good movies have a gun in them.”

“I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.”

“People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.”

“What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.”

“My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.”

“My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.”

“I swear I want to be a food model.”

“When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.”