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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire? A pumpkin!"

"A Spanish magician says he can make himself disappear on the count of 3 Uno, dos... Suddenly the magician disappears without a tres."

"What do you call ghosts that haunt liquor stores? Spirits"

"My wife and i lost 150 pounds combined! Shes much prettier without those other 149 weighing her down"

"What do indian mice do when they get scared? They scurry!"

"What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her? It's an aunt-*on*-him."

"Me: Just to be safe, we should quarantine Texas and nuke it from space. CW: That seems like an overreaction to Ebola. Me: They have Ebola?"

"What are four ways of spreading information that begins with ""tel""? Telephone, telegram, television, and tell a woman."

"TIL that in some states, graffiti vandals are fined $100-200 per letter. So if you make a whole bunch of letters, you could end up with a hefty sentence."

"Happy Independence Day! oh wait..."