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Joke of the Day

"""Dad, what's a sponsored tweet?"" ""A way for Twitter to make money, I guess. Now, pass the Metamucil with 100% Natural Psyllium Fiber."""

"Woman goes to the doctor... Woman goes to the doctor and says, ""Everytime I sneeze I have an orgasam."" The doctor asks, ""What have you been doing for it?"" She replies, ""Snorting pepper."""

"Presently poking others but your poke is important to me. Please stay online and your pokes will be returned in the order they were received. Approximate wait time is five minutes."

"So embarrassing when the door's marked PUSH & you spend 5 minutes shattering all the glass"

"I understand that your heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, your head is up your ass, and I ain't goin in after it."

"Why did the Pussy Wagon fail the emissions test? It had a broken Catalytic converter."

"I'm always surprised how quickly ""you're so funny"" turns into ""everything is a fcuking joke to you."" (usually about 3 months)"

"My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. ""Where are you?"" she moaned. ""I'm at the pub."" I replied. She said, ""I think the baby's coming!"" I said, ""Well, he won't get in. He's underage."""

"What would you call a very funny mountain? Hill Arious!"

"What do you call a Mexican with a small penis? Juan-inch wonder."