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Joke of the Day

"""Dad, what's a sponsored tweet?"" ""A way for Twitter to make money, I guess. Now, pass the Metamucil with 100% Natural Psyllium Fiber."""

"A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator... ...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official."

"Did you hear about the man who opened a yacht showroom? Sales went through the roof."

"I say ""what"" a lot, not because I'm hard of hearing, but because I can't believe how stupid some people are"

"My girlfriend knows I love pinball, so she uses just 3 words to let me know when it's sexy time. ""Lock is lit"""

"Why are the cops in Ferguson Steelers fans? Bullet train!"

"Australians don't have sex Australians mate."

"Always marginalised and discriminated against in favour of their blue counterparts, it's about time we started treating them with the respect they deserve. Black Levi's Matter."

"My parents didnt take me seriously when i came out It was because i couldn't keep a straight face"

"What did the management consultant think of his job? It was the Bain of his existence."