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Joke of the Day

"*Rolls window down* Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: is it because I'm literally running down the street pretending to be a car?"

"I wish there was enough room on TV for another show called Judge Judy, but where people just stood around criticizing a woman named Judy."

"I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out."

"Penny for the Ruble...oh wait never mind!"

"If your phone gets wet put it in dry rice... at night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronic device for cheap..."

"How do you stop ISIS? Leave some milk in the sun for a few days."

"[at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first"

"My wife is so ugly... Our towels say ""His"" and ""Its""!"

"Q: How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? A: With a pumpkin patch."

"What do you call a bone that disrespects God? A Blasfemur"