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Joke of the Day

"I'm just not convinced that banning the sale of sentient death robots decreases deaths. The research just isn't there."

"""Could you eat scrambled eggs even if you had no saliva?"" and other things my wife did not want to talk about at brunch"

"*bakes 12 cookies* *waits for family to come home* *eats 12* *family arrives* 5 year old: ""I SMELL COOKIES!"" ""Weird! Here's a salad."""

"""why do they have such a nice house?"" -- my review of every movie"

"What's the difference between a man on a unicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a bicycle wearing a tank top? Attire."

"If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business."

"What's the difference between a famous book by Dickens and a woman who buys fake boobs? One is a Tale of Two Cities..."

"Before Twitter, I'd ignore dumb thoughts in my head like ""How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?"" Now, I tweet them"

"What did the bra say to the hat? ""You go on a head, I'm gonna give these two a lift."""

"""Haha totally man"" - me, after failing to understand someone for a third time."