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Joke of the Day

"My new year celebration is Masturbating Couple's are enjoying their new year eve, friends are watching movies and I'm here still doing masturbating. Fuck yeah"

"I'm being sued by some atoms I think the court case will go fine, though. The judge knows they make everything up."

"Marriage counselling because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they're being an ass."

"What is The Fonz's blood type? A"

"What do cats listen to during their free time? they listen to podcats."

"President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time."

"Erlich Bachman. This is you as a old mayn. I'm a ugly and dead, alone."

"What's the difference between Jews and Christians? Jews get really angry, but Christians just get a little cross."

"Hubs: How long has your car been doing that? Me: ? Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight? Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights."

"Detroit is a such a dangerous city... You can't even let your kids out at night. The might rob someone."