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Joke of the Day

"So I was fucking my daughter last night... when my wife walked in. I don't know what she was more surprised by: the fact that I was fucking our daughter or that the abortion clinic let me keep it."

"How do you give an ice cube an identity crisis? Drop it like its hot."

"Went out drinking at the bar last night. Took a cab home. Trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage?"

"Why is Yoda afraid of 7? Because 9, 7 8."

"I know a chess grandmaster, but I've only ever played checkers with him Because I know he'll only lose to a check mate"

"I told a chem joke today... There was no reaction."

"The Russians official stance on the downed MH17 flight: Donetsk, don't tell."

"What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires? He shrugged and said, ""I've got asparagus."""

"What happens when someone spills really hot coffee on you? You will get burned, you idiot."

"You know a girl is right for you when... You know a girl is right for you when she is complimentary."