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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask ""where am I?"" and whatever they say I runaway screaming ""Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"""

"My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, ""You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"" I thought, ""Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."""

"My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate."

"FEmale The original iron man. (clever feminist joke I read on a T-shirt. Not actually a huge feminist.)"

"Garden Water Features by Lily Pond"

"What's green with a brown tip? The cucumbers in Elton John's fridge."

"Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming? ROFLMFAO! JK! Lolz Ttyl KK Ur BFF, Hannibal ~ Hannibal Lecter discovers text messages"

"I bet the first person to keep track of his age was a gigantic tool ""This is my 24th winter"" Shut up and help us kill this boar, Stuart"

"HOW I DRESS FOR UNIVERSITY First day of the week: brad pitt Last day of the week: homeless druggie"

"Cashier: Hello Me: Is it me your looking for... I can see it in your eyes.. Cashier:... Me: Sorry, this is my first rap battle."