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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls in the forest...... If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"

"Every time you say you're humble, I want to buy you a dictionary."

"If you say Donald Trump 3 times at night in front of a mirror, you will get deported..."

"Friend: just be yourself. Me: Be myself? Be myself?! Some of the most successful people I know aren't myself. That's horrible advice"

"On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse."

"Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting."

"Haegel, Nietzsche and Aristotle walk into a bar... Why?"

"I used to be an adventurer like you But then I took crippling adult responsibilities."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Sent back if it's not hot enough."

"Just once I'd like to make it through a game of mini golf without having to smash someone's windshield out with the putter"