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Joke of the Day

"Fun prank. Tell your bf you're getting your hair done. Leave. Don't get your hair done. When you come back & he says it looks great stab him"

"Jurassic Park- making you afraid of vibrating water since '93."

"My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them."

"Them: Hi. I'm happy to meet you. Me: Hi. I'm awkward and already trying to find a way out of this conversation."

"If you wait long enough, every cool thing starts to suck."

"A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone. ""Morning!"" he said. The other man replies, ""No, just having a crap."""

"My girlfriend said we can have sex on days that start wit ""T""... ...Tomorrow."

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."

"I just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It only took me six months, which is amazing considering the box says 2-4 years."

"Did you hear about the Piano Teacher that slept with his student? She was A Minor."