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Joke of the Day

"If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you've clearly never lost close to 500 GB's worth of data on your hard drive."

"Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into twitter."

"I lost fifty pounds... Unfortunately, I was in England at the time."

"I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!"

"[At the job interview] ""Why did you leave your last job?"" ""They took a vote."""

"I've been supporting Tyler Perry since the beginning... I have all of his plays and movies on bootleg."

"How do you calm down an astronaut? ...you give him space."

"So Hellen Keller walks into a bar and a table... and a chair... and a wall"

"what did sam smith say to the popped balloon ""you've been so uninflatable..."""

"Women are like convertibles. They're a lot more fun when the top's down."