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Joke of the Day

"Q. How do you make a dead baby float? A. 1 scoop of ice cream and 2 scoops of dead baby."

"Oh look a Spider...... Oh look Listerine.... Oh look spider wiggling for life.... Minty fresh dead spider"

""" Wake up, little Suuuzzie, wake up "" - The Everly Brothers accidentally kill another hooker"

"What do you call a cow masturbating? Beef stoken-off"

"What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? Pokemon"

"In honor of today's date (May the 4th be with you) I came up with a Star Wars joke Did you hear about the new Jedi beer? It's Force Ale."

"""Do you know how fast you were going?"" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. ""Get out of the car."" *Cop cuddles driver* ""Stop doing this. I worry."""

"*CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra."

"Luis Suarez is teaming up with Joe Hart to advertise Head and bloody Shoulders."

"Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking."