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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with large breasts? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night. I wanted it to be special"

"Skrillex is living proof that our society isn't completely superficial yet and that most of my farts should be winning Grammys."

"Husband: Let's talk about it when we're not tired and cranky. Me: So, in like 18 years?"

"our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it"

"""PSST."" It came from my waffles. ""PSST,"" again. ""What?"" I ask, furtively. ""You look really nice today."" Complimentary Breakfast"

"Mama said there'd be days like this, and also ""knock you out"" ??? I don't know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk."

"My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday "

"What does cheese say when you take its picture? Make sure you get my Gouda side!"

"If a problem has a solution - no need to worry. If there is no solution - then it is pointless to worry about. A fundamental principle of apathy."