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Joke of the Day

"Joke Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going.. Man: I-m going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking. Cop: Who-ll lecture at midnight .. Man: My wife.."

"Why did the farmer sit on a cock ? Because he was gay."

"I recently won a punctuation competition. My prize was an apos-*trophy*."

"Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business? He got too attached to his work."

"My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine's Day! So I got drunk..."

"I don't throw anything out anymore I just go to TGIFriday's once a month and glue more shit to the wall no one notices try it"

"I remember as a child, lying awake at night on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to come... ...then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying around? Because he can never never land"

"What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common? They both made the news for not being straight."

"My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"