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Joke of the Day

"I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes."

"Couldn't look worse today. Time to run into an ex..."

"[at gym] Him: How much do you bench? Me: Way less than I couch."

"If I had a million dollars i'd pay to have sex with your mum and i'd probably invest the other $999,990"

"The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets."

"What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?"

"What's Big, White and If It falls out of a tree it will kill you? A Fridge"

"I eat a lot of grapes. I'm basically a wino with no patience."

"Have you ever tried Nicaraguan food? They haven't."

"What does Osama bin Laden and my wife's clitoris have in common? Took me 10 years to find it, but when I did; killed it!"