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Joke of the Day

"Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100? Every time she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat."

"I met a pirate the other day that had a steering wheel in his pants. I asked him what that was. He said: ""rrrr ...i don't what it izz but it's driving mezzz nuts"""

"Why did KGB officers always travel in threes? One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals."

"how many straight Vassar men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them."

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask which period it came from."

"Why didn't Napoleon get his wish? Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte."

"My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed."

"BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES"

"What's the difference between Americans and Brits? Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time."

"A doctor walks into the room and says, "" I have good news and I have bad news"" *""What's the good news?""* ""***I*** don't have cancer"""