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Joke of the Day

"*gets laser eye surgery* ""Thanks doc, so how do I activate them?"" I told you, that's not what *i squint at him real hard but he's right*"

"What did the terrorist send in the mail? A CAIR package."

"Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener? Because he was good at pulling weed"

"How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"So there were these two sisters.. a blonde and a brunette. The brunette goes to her sister and says ""I just fucked a brazilian!"" The blonde replies ""You slut! How many more is that than a million?"""

"Life is like a penis. Simple, relaxed and hanging around freely. It's women who make it hard."

"[last supper] ""Wine!"" exclaims Jesus touching everyone's water glasses. ""Wine, wine, wine [arrives at Judas] Mountain Dew lol."""

"A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. ""Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. ""Yes,"" replied the murderer. ""Will you hold my hand?"""

"America was declared the country with most busty people. In the both genders category."

"adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane"