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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to see how fast I could drive my new car down Main Street. I managed to hit 60 before getting pulled over. Most of them survived with only minor injuries."

"Waking up in the middle of the night to a 4.0 earthquake is kinda awesome until you realize it was not an earthquake & what's that smell?"

"Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future."

"A young lady from my office just sent me an email saying ""ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"" Oh boy am I excited, but what does ""ternative"" mean?"

"My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons."

"What's the difference between a race car and a woman? One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels."

"The stock market has been looking thinner lately. It's lost several Pounds."

"Just saw a license plate that said ""LUV SLUG."" I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter."

"My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!"

"Why should you tell bad jokes to cocaine addicts? Because they'll crack up anyways"