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Joke of the Day
"I'm trying this new thing where I don't beat off it's hard"
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"How is an NBA photographer like a Trump supporter? They both want to shoot black people."
"The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling ""It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"""
"Roommate and I got our first electric bill and long story short we're now Amish"
"The only folks who put them passwords on that fancy wi-fi internets is terrorists. This is Merica, land of the free."
"A bird in the hand is worth nothing and is probably giving you duck AIDS. Put it back."
"What's E.T. short for? He's just got little legs."
"What do Americans do immediately after winning the World Cup (Soccer)? Turn off the Playstation."
"If you commit a crime be sure to wear running clothes, so if you need to flee the scene cops will just think ""Look at that healthy jogger"""
"what do you call an alligator in a vest? ... An investigator"