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Joke of the Day

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."

"Both my son and daughter love reddit. That must mean it's heredditary."

"[consoling grieving widow] so I guess you'll be looking for a new owner for his pokemon collection?"

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and one to hold the penis. I mean ladder, one to hold the ladder."

"I heard there was a fight at the fish and chip shop. Two cods got battered."

"Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected."

"What do you call a dead guy hanging on your wall? Art."

"How do Canadians say Milky Way? Milky Eh.... Get it?"

"Women always check me out. The cashiers at the grocery store are so nice."

"I was searching for the end of the line. I tap a guy on the shoulder and ask, ""excuse me sir, are you the last person in line?"" Dude turns around, looks at me funny and goes, ""no, you are."""