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Joke of the Day

"Got talking to a North African girl I got talking to a North African girl in her native language for hours, we just clicked."

"How do you make a man from New Zealand fall asleep? Ask him to count how many sexual partners he has had (Because they're sheep fuckers)."

"Just finished the 5th book... In the 'Learning to count' trilogy"

"What can you say about a car and not a girl/your gf? It's easy to turn on, and even though it's eleven, I still love her."

"My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him."

"Stages of Candle Burning 1: this smells nice 2: still smells nice 3: this is all I can smell now 4: this is the only scent I have ever known"

"Teacher and John Teacher: John. Give me a sentence beginning with ""I"". Paul: I is the... Teacher: No, John . You must say ""I am"" not ""I is."" John: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

"me: i'm really glad we met, i feel like I can completely be myself around u. u had me at hello kidnapper: pls stop talking"

"If I'm reading this correctly the Second Amendment allows me to shoot a bear, tear off his arms and keep them."

"Life is like a penis... Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free... It's women who make it hard!"