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Joke of the Day

"#wecanlandonacometbutwecant let a comet land on us. - Yakov Smirnoff"

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"A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!"
"I don't have a small penis... its just ""fun sized""."
"How do you ""titty fuck"" a seven-year old? Break her shoulders"
"Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I'm just going to wait until she breaks up with everyone else so I'm all that's left."
"What's Tom Brady's favorite type of chip? Cheat-Ohs!"
"If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly."
"What's the derivative of Amazon? Amazon Prime"
"How do you swat one hundred flies at the same time? Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan."
"camouflage training Drill Sergeant: ""I DID NOT SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING THIS MORNING CORPORAL!!!!"" Corporal: ""Thank you sir."""