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Joke of the Day

"[at funeral] Me: ""I'm sorry your husband died in that boating accident in Venice"" Widow: ""please no.... Me: ""you have my gondolances"""

"Iron Man is a super hero... Iron woman is a command."

"I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child Then i was born"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. credit to /u/crashdemon."

"Why are their no jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? Because the punchline is to long"

"So a guy gave his friends 10 puns to try and make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did."

"Why didn't the math professor with a speech impediment get any work done? He was always mathturbating."

"If my 3YO's fortune was ""you will eat the paper inside the cookie and then cry about it for 2 hrs,"" this Chinese restaurant is VERY accurate"

"What is the difference between a G spot and a golf ball A guy will actually search for a golf ball"

"After what happened to Lance Armstrong I'm kinda worried they are gonna come after my bowling trophies"